Posted on January 28, 2010

When you’re a teen, sometimes it may seem as if you have too much responsibility. Not only do you have your own schoolwork and activities, and perhaps an after-school job, but there are also chores around the house, little errands your parents ask you to run and – taking care of your younger siblings.

If you’re like most teens, watching little brothers or sisters can be a royal pain. At the very least, it cuts into your time for yourself. But, hold on a minute. These are your family and, believe it or not, next to your parents, you are the most important person in their lives. Thinking of it in that light may change your mind about looking out for younger siblings.

That still doesn’t mean it isn’t a whole lot of work. What are some of the things you should prepare yourself for? How can you be most effective in watching over them without being too heavy-handed, intrusive or sound like a big brother or big sister? Here are some tips to consider.

Ask for Help from Your Parents

If you feel the burden of watching your younger siblings is too heavy, or if you have questions over how much authority you should exert, or what to do in certain situations, it’s best to ask your parents for help and guidance. After all, your parents are the primary caretakers of all the children in the household. You are the designated representative family member entrusted with their care while your parents are not around. This is a profound responsibility and, as mentioned before, means you are a tremendous influence on the younger children.

One helpful suggestion is to sit down with your parents and prioritize your duties and responsibilities with the younger children. Are you the one who has to oversee their homework to make sure it gets done? Do you have the responsibility to prepare their meals because Mom and Dad leave early for work or arrive home late? What about any play-dates with friends or doctor’s or school appointments or activities? Are you the one who takes the children to and from these?

It is true that everyone needs a break. That includes you. You need time for yourself, time to enjoy your own friends and time to just hang out and relax. Make sure to discuss your needs with your parents and see if you can work out some free time you can count on.

What to Do in an Emergency

First-born or elder children in the household shoulder a lot of responsibility. This is nowhere more apparent than in an emergency. If a younger child chokes on food, has an allergic reaction, burns himself or herself with hot water or food, drowns in a swimming pool – what are you to do? Do you have all the necessary phone numbers handy for 911, poison control, family physician, emergency contact numbers for your parents, neighbor, relative or close friend? If not, make sure you get them and place them right next to the phone where they’re readily available. When you have an emergency, often it’s seconds that can mean the difference between life and death, between doing the right thing and failing to act at all.

It is a good idea to take a class on CPR, available at community health centers or some schools. Training in how to do the Heimlich method to prevent choking death is another definite advantage.

Suppose there’s a fire and you need to gather the younger children and get out quickly. Do you have several escape routes mapped out in advance? You and your parents should go through a mock drill so that everyone knows exactly where to go in case there’s smoke or fire. When it happens is not the time to try to figure it out. Most people who die in home fires don’t perish from the flames. They die because of asphyxiation – they don’t get enough oxygen. Having a plan in place can prevent disaster – especially if you’re the only one home with your younger siblings.

Watching Out for Poisons, Drugs and Alcohol

Adolescents and young children are naturally curious. It’s said that toddlers will put anything into their mouths – and often do. They don’t know the difference, and tasting or slurping or chewing feels good. It’s a natural instinct. It can also be deadly, if the substance is cleaning fluid, bleach, drain cleaners, household disinfectants, sprays and other substances.
Some plants are naturally poisonous as well. And you need to keep an eye on toddlers who will try to stick their little fingers into light switches. Many children have been needlessly electrocuted by doing so. Ask your parents to buy switch covers – or get them yourself at the hardware store. These are a Styrofoam cover that fits neatly over the unused wall socket, thus preventing tiny fingers from getting inside. They’re inexpensive and easy to install.

Poison-proof lower cabinets and drawers, or any area that is accessible to small children. Your parents can buy child-proof latches for the cabinets, or just remove harmful materials and store them elsewhere – perhaps in a locked cabinet. This is especially important for prescription and over-the-counter (OTC) drugs. Make sure all drugs are locked away and out of reach for any children in the household. Never leave them out on the counter – children are remarkable adept at crawling and climbing and snagging pill bottles and downing the contents.

Some families have a liquor cabinet. This is often nothing more than a shelf in the kitchen where the bottles of vodka, whiskey or other spirits are kept. Beer is frequently left in the refrigerator or kept in the pantry, garage or elsewhere until time for cooling. With young children in the house, and you as the person responsible for watching them, that’s not a good idea. All alcohol should be secured and out of reach. By the way, it goes without saying that you should not touch alcohol either. Alcoholic consumption by teens is not an okay behavior and violates family values and rules.

What if There’s Trouble?

You can’t depend on your younger brothers and sisters to automatically abide by the family rules for getting home on time or being where they say they’ll be. They may lose track of time while they’re on the school or park playground with their friends, or become so engrossed in watching videos or playing videogames that time just slips away. You will need to track them down and remind them that they have to stick to the schedule.

Have your parents back up your authority, but ask them to do it in a nice way. Children are sensitive to being “bossed around” by older siblings and resentful that they can’t have the same freedom you do. You can let them know that you had rules to follow too when you were their age. The older you get, the more freedom you have, but you also have more responsibility. There’s really nothing you can do about the fact that you’re older and they’re younger. It is what it is. Frankly, someday they’ll realize it – probably when they have children of their own and need to entrust an older child with the responsibility to watch the younger ones.

But what if there’s trouble? What if your younger brother or sister doesn’t come home from school or isn’t at the bus stop when you’re there to pick them up? Ask the kids on the bus if they saw your sibling, and then call the school to find out when the child left classes. Call your parents and they’ll give you other instructions. But remain calm. Again, working out with your parents what to do in advance of a problem will ease your mind when you need to take action. That way, it’s not all on you to figure things out in a moment of crisis. Have a plan. Stick to the plan and remain calm.

What if Your Parents are Alcoholics or Drug Users?

This is a tough one. Alcoholism and drug abuse can run in families, and it’s very destructive to everyone involved. Beyond the alcoholic or drug user, the attitudes and behaviors are being passed along to children in the family – to you, and to your younger brothers and sisters. If your parents are alcoholics or drug users, you need additional help. Talk with a teacher, relative or trusted adult.

There’s no question that your responsibilities are a lot harder with alcoholism and drug use in the home. That means there’s so much more negative behavior that you have to try to shield your siblings from. It may also mean protecting them from verbal and/or physical abuse at the hands of a parent who’s lost control due to alcohol or drugs.

Don’t be an enabler to the parent, trying to ease tensions by pouring the drink he or she demands or other enabling behaviors. This won’t solve the problem of the alcoholism or drug use, and it won’t go unnoticed by the other children either. Family help is available through Al-Anon and Alateen. Check out a sample chapter of “Alateen-Hope for Children of Alcoholics.” You can attend meetings in your area, or go online to find out more information at http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html.

Signs of Drug Addiction in the Family

You may think you know what your younger siblings are doing, but you aren’t with them 24/7. Here are some signs of drug use or addiction to be on the lookout for:

• Self-destructive behavior such as coming home intoxicated or high
• Non-stop use of the computer (without any breaks)
• Anorexic behavior (refusing to eat or excessively thin)
• Gambling
• Finding drug paraphernalia or drugs in backpacks, purses or bedroom

If you see these self-destructive behaviors or signs, tell your parents immediately. This is a problem that goes beyond your responsibility and they definitely need to get involved. The sibling exhibiting the signs needs help to overcome their dependence on alcohol, drugs, and addictive behaviors.

Do not blame yourself for another person’s use of drugs or alcohol. It isn’t your fault, and you can’t assume the weight of this burden. The important thing is to recognize the problem and get your parents involved to begin the necessary steps to get help for the affected child.

How Long Must You Look Out for Younger Siblings?

Generally speaking, once you’re an older sibling charged with the responsibility to look out for younger children in the family, you’ve got that duty until you leave home, go off to college, they go off to college, the military or leave home, or until your parents relieve you of the assignment.

That’s the bad news and the good news. It’s bad news if you think that this is just a temporary duty, that next summer or fall or whenever that things are going to drastically change and you’ll be let off the hook. Sorry.

The good news is that by looking out for your younger siblings you are accumulating significant life skills that will serve you well the rest of your life. You won’t be thrown by small or unexpected curve balls that would flabbergast someone else who never had to watch out for anyone but themselves. You are developing a rational set of behaviors, what to do in almost any situation, and that’s a life experience that is hard to teach.

Best of all and this bears repeating, so here goes: you look out for your younger siblings because you love them, they depend on you, and they’re family. A close-knit and loving family is the best preparation anyone can have in life. Just think of it this way. One day you are likely to have your own family with children you love dearly just as your parents love you. You will entrust, perhaps, some of the same type of responsibility to your oldest child to watch over his or her younger siblings. Having been there yourself, you’ve got this one aced.

Beyond that, hey, it’s only a few years. As they always say, children grow up fast. The years will fly by before you know it. Keep a good attitude, be loving, and be there for your younger siblings.