Posted on February 10, 2010

Every parent fears what could happen to their children when they’re out of your sight. After all, you can’t be with them every minute of the day. Children go to school, parties, the mall, movies, extracurricular activities – they even play by themselves in the park or on the street. While we can’t always be present, we can help protect our children against sexual predators by instilling sound family values, being open, honest, and trustworthy in our communications, instructing our children in a few basic safety rules, and always being vigilant.

Sexual Predators are Everywhere

When news headlines scream about child abduction, teachers sexually abusing students, sexual abuse by relatives, teens disappearing after agreeing to meet someone they’ve only met online, every parent feels a twinge of fear about their own children. It’s natural, since our children are vulnerable, often defenseless, and we want to step up our efforts to keep such a thing from happening to them. One thing we do know is that we can’t instill fear in our children. That would be counter-productive and could actually lead to stunted emotional growth. We can do some proactive things, however, to give our children guidance on keeping themselves safe.

Law enforcement authorities recommend these simple rules to keep children safe that parents can provide their children, rules that the children should agree to and abide by.

 

• Before I go anywhere, I will ask my parents for permission and will not go unless I receive it. I will let them know where I will be going, who I’m going with, how I will get there, who else is going with me, and when I will be back.

• I will not change my plans and go somewhere else unless I tell my parents and they give me permission to do so.

• If someone offers me gifts, money, or drugs, I will not accept them and I will tell my parents immediately.

• I promise to never get in a car with anyone – even someone I know – unless my parents give me permission.

• My parents encouraged me to always play with a buddy and not alone. I promise to use the buddy system whenever I can to keep me safe.

• I promise to not keep a secret if someone touches me in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable. I promise to tell my parents or an adult immediately if someone tries to do this. I will also not feel guilty that someone tries this, because it is not my fault.

• I know my parents love me and trust me. I will trust my feelings and will tell them or other adults I know and trust if something bothers me. I know they want to keep me safe and I am not alone.

• If I don’t feel safe, I will ask for help from responsible adults and will keep asking for help until I get it.

Provide Sound Guidelines for Internet Use

One way to help protect your child from sexual predators is to provide sound guidelines about contacting anyone on the Web. Make sure they know the rules about how to protect their personal information. Remind your child that, just as they know they are never to accept a ride from a stranger, the strangers they may meet on the Internet are potentially just as dangerous. Inform your child that they are never to meet anyone they encounter online – unless you first give your approval.

What to Do if you Suspect Inappropriate Contact

If you suspect that your child has been approached by someone on the Web who is suggesting inappropriate behavior, or is currently communicating with someone online who is a potential sexual predator, it is very important to speak with your child immediately. Do not delay. First, put yourself in your child’s frame of mind. He or she is very likely frightened and possibly ashamed, embarrassed, or guilty over the encounter by the stranger. Then speak with your child in a calm and nonjudgmental way. What you want is for your child to feel free to talk with you openly about the situation.

Once your child starts to discuss the encounter, obtain as much information as you can about what exactly was said, what questions were asked, and any personally identifiable information about the stranger. Then report the incident.

How to Report an Incident

Anyone who contacts a minor via the Internet to exploit them or subject them to child pornography is a criminal. Internet crime must be reported to the appropriate authorities. If your child has been the victim of a sexual predator, child or adult pornography, harassment, spam or Internet fraud, let the authorities take control of the situation.

Here are the Internet situations to look out for:

• Your child has been sexually solicited via the Internet by another who knows that the child is under the age of 18
• Someone who knows your child is under the age of 18 has sent sexually explicit images to your child
• Your child has received (or anyone else in the house has received) child pornography

In these instances, immediately contact the local law enforcement agency. Also contact the CyberTipline (1-800-843-5678) www.missingkids.com. The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children runs CyberTipline. It has representatives from the FBI, the U.S. Postal Inspection Service and the U.S. Customs Service at its disposal.

The FBI strongly cautions that if your child has been subjected to any of these scenarios, keep the computer turned off so that all of the evidence can be preserved for law enforcement. Do not attempt to copy any of the images to any other medium – unless and until law enforcement officials instruct you to do so.

If someone is harassing your child online with threatening, obscene or abusive emails, or using your child’s identity in inappropriate mailing lists or newsgroups, immediately contact local law enforcement or the FBI.

If your child is the subject of spam or Internet fraud, use the following reporting methods.

• Contact your ISP to report spam.
• The Coalition Against Unsolicited Commercial Email (CAUCE) is an anti-spamming site that allows you to report unsolicited email.
• Contact the U.S. Department of Justice about spam email you believe is fraudulent.
• Other agencies to contact regarding Internet fraud include the FBI, the Federal Trade Commission (FTC), and the Internet Crime Complaint Center.

Creating Sound Guidelines for Online Use

As parents, you can’t protect your children all the time. You simply can’t be around them 24/7 to watch over them. But you can instruct them with basic, sound guidelines, lead by example, and encourage them to live up to the family’s high expectations for trust and responsible behavior. As always, open communication and trust are essential when providing parental guidance. Understand that mistakes will occur, but make your home a place where your children feel complete confidence to come to you with anything that may concern them.

Also understand that your children, especially teens, may feel more confident in their abilities to handle themselves in any situation – online as well as offline – than they really are. As parents, strive to create the kind of atmosphere at home where your children can safely and responsibly use the Internet.

How do you go about this? There are three basic areas to work on. Don’t worry if you don’t know that much about the Internet or the kinds of places kids like to go online – yet. Just get started.

1. Get Smart

Let’s face it. We were kids quite some time ago. Things have changed along the way, not the least of which is the number and variety of websites, chat rooms, games, widgets, instant message, blogs and other things unique to the Internet. You need to jump in and get a crash course on what’s going on in cyberspace – particularly the online space your child frequents. Here’s what to do:

• Learn as you go by watching your children as they surf the Web. See the spots they go and ask questions like, “Why did you choose that site” or “What is it you like about this site?” You should note how their age and level of maturity influences the sites they choose to frequent. Sites that are popular when your child is 12 will not be the same as those they like when they’re in their late teens.

• While you’re watching your child surf, you’re also learning about what type of Web content attracts them, what kind of chat rooms they’re interested in, and what general types of activities and information online sparks their attention.

• As parents, you oversee your child’s homework and studying. Do the same thing with their surfing the Internet. Monitor where they go and what they do online. If you’ve begun with open communication and are often with them when they’re online, this won’t be seen as intrusive.

• Talk with administrators, teachers or librarians at your child’s school to find out how the school teaches students about Internet safety and how to evaluate information available on the Web. Make sure the school’s Web site does not post any information about children’s names or their photos.

• Talk with other adults about how they protect their children’s safety on the Internet. Brainstorm and share ideas. This can give you an advantage in that you’re broadening your own knowledge and forming a united front with other parents.

• Get training and information on tools that are available to promote Internet safety. These are available through resources such as The Children’s Partnership, GetNetWise.org, or Cyber Angels. Also get in touch with your local library or nonprofit groups about training and assistance they may offer.

2. Internet Starts at Home

Making your home conducive to your child’s being on the Internet means that you do a few things a little differently. Of course, your child may access the Internet from places outside the home, but while they are at home you have some measure of control. Giving them sound guidelines and helping them surf and use the Internet safely are lessons that they will take with them wherever they go.

• Start by situating the computer in a centrally-accessible location. This is not the child’s bedroom. Do not permit your child unrestricted access to the computer in their bedroom. When the computer is out in the open, so to speak, in an area frequented by the entire family – and the computer is for the use of each member of the family – it makes it more likely that your child will respect that and become used to others being nearby. This means they’re less likely to misbehave or frequent places on the Web that they shouldn’t. And, you’re close by if they need you.

• Work with your child to develop an appropriate screen name. Do not choose any names that are even remotely similar to their real name. Do not allow any names that reveal gender. Also do not put in any numbers that correspond to their actual age.

• Set realistic parameters for the sites your child chooses to surf and stay online in by choosing sites based on their age and level of maturity.

• Find good sites for your children to use and present them. Knowing what’s good for children is as important as knowing what’ bad for them. And, with your doing the groundwork to find such sites, you’ll be learning more about how to find other appealing and age-appropriate sites.

• If there are older siblings in the family, ask them to help supervise, encourage and monitor your younger children while they’re on the Internet. If there are no older siblings, ask another family member to step in and help.

• Know who your child talks with or writes to online, who’s sending them instant messages, emails, who they’re interacting with in chat rooms or blogs.

• Closely watch anyone who suddenly appears (previously unknown) and begins paying more attention to your child online.

• Remember that you are the parents. Set a good example and do not view or leave adult-type messages or images on the computer – where children may be able to access them. In addition, don’t do any surfing that may raise questions you don’t want your children to ask.

• In the event a situation does arise – your child happens upon a site with inappropriate content, or something inappropriate is sent to or displayed to your child, talk with him or her about why it isn’t appropriate for them, how to get rid of it, how to avoid such things from happening in the future, and assuring your child that it wasn’t their fault. If the incident requires, report it to the appropriate authorities – immediately.

3. What’s Okay – and What’s Not on the Internet

Our children need to learn at an early age that the Internet can provide much useful information and be a good resource for knowledge and fun. But it can also be a very dangerous place.

• Parents need to give children clear guidance about what information and sites are important and why they are. Be sure to ask for your child’s feedback and listen to what they have to say.

• Instruct your child not to believe everything they see or hear online. Because the Internet allows people to remain anonymous – or nearly so – with made-up screen names, people are not always who they claim to be.

• Be emphatic with your child that he or she is never to send photographs of themselves or reveal any personally-identifiable information. This includes their real name, age, gender, home address and telephone number. It also include the name and location of their school, any sports or teams they play on, and parents’ or siblings’ or neighbors’ place of work, address or phone numbers. Make sure your child knows to keep all personal information out of emails, chat rooms, Web pages, profiles and instant messages.

• Ask your child to let you know immediately if someone online makes them feel uncomfortable – either from an email message or an image they send to him or her.

• Have your child promise they will never get together with someone they’ve only met online – without your permission. If you do agree to let them meet this individual, be sure the meeting occurs in a public place and you are there with your child.

• Conduct rehearsals covering what your child should do if they see inappropriate content on the Web, or if someone contacts them in an inappropriate way. Let your child know they can turn off the computer or walk away. They don’t have to be subjected to such content or contact. They should be instructed to never respond to any type of message or content that is obscene, threatening, or bullying.

• If your child does receive questionable images, contact or content online, have them alert you immediately so you can contact the appropriate authorities.